I write this post, after neglecting my blog for a long time, with no clear intention. Part of my problem is that I have not connected with other people and do not know how to optimize my blog’s exposure. Sigh….
The year is drawing to an end. A decade is coming to an end. And, my marriage is ending. I have had control over the last ending. It has been a long term marriage that produced two wonderful children- my beautiful Miss L and my boy Ben. I love both my children dearly though they can both be trying at times, to say the least.
While my husband is unhappy with my decision to end our marriage, we have moved through the transition with grace. I owe him a good deal of gratitude and would not want to continue to hurt him through this process. I would not want my children to suffer, though I know they too are in pain. But, as the year ends, I reflect back and believe I did the right thing. Perhaps I should have done this earlier when the kids were younger but I didn’t.
My son said, “Mom, I have come to accept that I am not loosing my family. It is just changing configuration”. That is how I see it. I will always be connected to my husband. Yes, because of my children but also because I have spent the last 42 years of my life with this man. Can that be wiped away. No. Would I want that to be wiped away. No.
Over the last few months, I have found it difficult to see that I have been responsible for causing these people I love such pain. It is indeed sometimes hard to reconcile that since I am not in pain. I believe I did what was right for me.
So, the year comes to an end, the decade comes to an end, and my marriage comes to an end. I I look forward to this new phase of my life. I look forward to seeing my children continue to grow and thrive. I look forward to helping my husband heal in whatever way I can.
Happy holiday to all — whoever you may be.
