The year quickly draws to an end. For me, the year has been divided into two phases: married and seperated. I have been married for over 36 years. Wow. That is unfathomable to me, but then so is the birthday that quickly approaches in a few weeks- one of those major, decade changing bdays. While it was inevitable that the day would arrive as long as I continued to breathe, I never really thought it would approach so rapidly. It doesn’t matter that it took decades to get here. I still never thought of myself being a woman of a certain age. it is shocking to have arrived here.
Anything goes when we open ourselves to change. My years of marriage were a struggle and as the number reveals, I held on for a long time. My marriage was fraught with tension, meaness, love, frustration and many more emotions that don’t need to be mentioned. It would be unimaginable to think of being with one person for that length of time and not to have experienced a lifetime of feelings, not the least of which was learning how deeply one can love one’s children.
Anything goes when confronting other people’s emotional reactions. All those well thought out analyses of any situation do not prepare us for someone else’s emotional reality. Oh. Did I mention that anything goes when dealing with a 17 year old daughter or the necessary but sadly experienced emotion seperation of a dearly loved son.
The year quickly draws to an end and I have taken a full time writing job, given up writing a business column, moved into my own home, left my dogs behind, discovered a side of my children I never knew existed, yet I feel strong and content with my decision and actions. There are new writing plans for the new year, and I hope to live up to my plans.
What the new year holds for me remains unknown. No doubt I will have set backs, progress forward, successes and maybe disappointments. As long as I stay intouch with myself and accept that anything goes, I will probably move through this new year with grace and some serenity.
Wishing 2010 adieu while welcoming the possibilities in 2011.
Happy new year.
