It is Tuesday. I am waiting to hear if I have gotten a job. I sometimes wonder what it all means. I enjoy my writing, I enjoy researching, I enjoy the process of creating. That is what I do. I create. But, sometimes life seems like it is about everything but creating.
As I wait, I wonder what has held me back all these years. I can become negative. But, then I look outside my office window and the sun is shining the leaves are green and all is well. I remind myself to be grateful.
I have two beautiful children and long term marriage, though sometimes it is a difficult relationship to negotiate. I have a good life. If I stop and think about the devastation that occurs daily in the world, the brutality, the poverty, sickness, the wars, I know that for today I am fine.
I think that I will begin meditating. I never really did it seriously. When I do yoga, which I have been doing on and off since the seventies –oops, am I dating myself- I get into a meditative place. It is time to take control of the flow of my thoughts. I have been working on that lately. Positive thoughts, gratitude, calmness.
I can get myself pretty wired and expend a ridiculous amount of emotional energy of my thought process. I am one of those people who lives too much in her head.
There are things that have to be done, like getting this blog going. Since I need help I have avoided it. That behavior doesn’t take me far. This morning I ran into a man who was talking about his blog and because of his business he has many computer technicians who work for him. Perhaps I should seek out their help.
So, as I wait to hear if I have made it, I will gratefully attend to the rest of my life in this moment of time. Anyway, my son is playing in a basketball game tonight. That’s a good thing and he is a talented player. That’s it. I am done.