Oh hum…

I have been some what remiss in my work. I am suppose to be diligently working on an article that profiles a young woman and her foundation. The topic is stem cell research, but I feel so uninspired. I am surprised by my own reaction. There is so much happening in that field it should move me.

I did received an e-mail from someone today about an article I did on immigration. All she wrote was “gracias.” I don’t know who she is.But I e-mailed her back, so we will see. I was hoping to get some responses from that article. I would actually like to do a series on immigration/families and life in the US.

Well, the moment away from the article is over and I must get back to work. More to be revealed…

In a flash the good feelings are gone

What is it about families that get us crazy? Yesterday, started out just fine. My immediate family, me, my husband, and my two kids, rose early to participate in a fund raiser 5k run. Though I did not do as well as would have liked it was all good.

These days, with two older teenagers, one who is about ready to go off to college, we don’t get to spend as much together time as we used to. But after the race, we went home and watched a movie together. Nice and relaxing.

Around 4 we proceeded to my mom’s home, this she claims is her “last” swan song, the last time she will make thanksgiving. She is 83, my dad is 86 and they are still going strong. Instead of getting a prepared turkey, she had to make everything. She was cooking all week. Anyway, we arrive and there was my aunt and then a cousin and her son. None of whom would I choose to spend thanksgiving with. I lost it. I turned into a sour, snippy person. Watch out lest you suffer a tongue lashing. They were not the only one’s there but just seeing them annoyed me. How delicate am I!

I couldn’t wait to get out of there and home. What is it about families? Don’t misunderstand me, I see my extended family a good amount. But, in truth, there are people in my life that are really part of my life. They are not blood line relatives. Given a choice I would always rather spend my holidays with them. And, some years I do choose that.

But, the day overall was good. And today is good. I think I will decline the offer to spend Christmas with the aunt I mentioned above. No, I can’t do that, I will leave it to a family vote. I am not alone in this. And for that I am grateful!!!!

You can’t tell me that…

So the saga continues. On Friday I was told by the woman who interviewed me for the script writer position, “The other writers and I really loved you. We think you are great. Please write a brilliant script for us and by the way we want it first thing Monday morning.”

After much hand-ringing over the weekend about whether this position is right for me, after working 6 hours on a script for no remuneration, and after having my nails done on Monday in case I began work on Tuesday, I finally learned this morning that I did not get the job. I was told that while my script had potential, it sounded more like a written piece than the text of a voice over.

I was trained as an actress at a world renowned acting school, have written plays besides my other writings. And, I have been a public speaker. I know what dialogue sounds like. None of that really matters. In truth, the job had a ridiculously long work day 8- 5:30 (but everyone gets in at 7:30…) And they give employees one week vacation after a year. I have worked as a freelance writer for over twenty – five years, this didn’t sit well with me. I will get the job done and on time but don’t get crazy about when I punch in.

So, in the end I guess it worked out fine. I don’t have to be defiant or rebellious, I don’t have to have a resentment. But I did resent the fact that I didn’t have the opportunity to decided I didn’t want the job. Yes, it was given to a “seasoned script writer,” but I was told “we think you are an amazing woman and you will succeed in whatever you do.” Excuse me! I might be wrong, but I think that was a bit condescending….

On a more positive note, I sent out 360 e-mails about my two books. It is holiday time and they are perfect gifts for the women in your life. Dancing with Gods: a collection of women’s short stories, and “Awakening Minerva: The Power of Creativity in Women’s Lives, both are available online at amazon.com and the other book dealers or can be ordered at your local book store.

Happy Thanksgiving to all — whomever you may be.

Another day

It is Tuesday. I am waiting to hear if I have gotten a job. I sometimes wonder what it all means. I enjoy my writing, I enjoy researching, I enjoy the process of creating. That is what I do. I create. But, sometimes life seems like it is about everything but creating.

As I wait, I wonder what has held me back all these years. I can become negative. But, then I look outside my office window and the sun is shining the leaves are green and all is well. I remind myself to be grateful.

I have two beautiful children and long term marriage, though sometimes it is a difficult relationship to negotiate. I have a good life. If I stop and think about the devastation that occurs daily in the world, the brutality, the poverty, sickness, the wars, I know that for today I am fine.

I think that I will begin meditating. I never really did it seriously. When I do yoga, which I have been doing on and off since the seventies –oops, am I dating myself- I get into a meditative place. It is time to take control of the flow of my thoughts. I have been working on that lately. Positive thoughts, gratitude, calmness.

I can get myself pretty wired and expend a ridiculous amount of emotional energy of my thought process. I am one of those people who lives too much in her head.

There are things that have to be done, like getting this blog going. Since I need help I have avoided it. That behavior doesn’t take me far. This morning I ran into a man who was talking about his blog and because of his business he has many computer technicians who work for him. Perhaps I should seek out their help.

So, as I wait to hear if I have made it, I will gratefully attend to the rest of my life in this moment of time. Anyway, my son is playing in a basketball game tonight. That’s a good thing and he is a talented player. That’s it. I am done.

writing on my mind

It has been about five days since I created a post. It is not for lack of interest, but rather, I am so overwhelmed by the things I have to do to get this blog going. Anyway….

Last night, I spoke to an audience of about 250-300 people concerning the benefits of art education and children’s learning. I was told by those close to me, that it was a wonderful talk. Some in the audience did not quite have the ability to hang in there. I didn’t know it at the time, but one of the local t.v. stations were supposed to have been there. They weren’t. I wasn’t disappointed until I learned they never showed up.

Today, I went for a job interview as a script writer — commercial videos for t.v. I had to create two press releases based upon website material as a test for round one. It took me 20 minutes longer than I would have liked to complete 2 releases, but then I did the best I could.

It has been so many years since I worked full time for another person. In my office, my desk is by the window. I love natural light. The office I was in today had no windows. I do not know if I will be called back, if yes – fine, if no- fine. Conflicted?!!

I am about to begin work on a short story about a real battle that took place in Viet Nam. It was a brutal, long battle with hundreds of people dying on both sides. A friend of mine led the final phases of the U.S. attack. He has never recovered from the battle. But, it coincides with material that I am gathering on the civil war. The strategy used at one of the civil war battles helped my friend plan his course of action so many years ago.

I believe that this job, writing video scripts can help prepare me for this Civil War project. I want to do it as a film script. That is one of my traits: I don’t stick to one thing. The more complex and difficult the more it seems to call to me. I don’t apologize for that tendency, it is truly part of who I am as a writer.

Just heard my daughter walk in. So adieu…

Confusions reigns

I have a headache. I have spent several days trying to figure out how to add links, ads, rss etc. I have been a total and dismal failure at this process. I need help. But, who do I ask to help.

I am a visual learner. I need to see someone do this process of adding “elements.” I read the instructions and go to the formating pages and do not see anything similar to what was described. I try to paste the codes etc. into the boxes –it doesn’t work. I drag the widgets to the sidebar and line them up only to have them in order on the function page and not on the blog page. I must be slow in this arena.

I am not slow, I am a rather intelligent person, bright actually. But, this stuff makes me crazy. There is no one in my house who does this and I don’t trust that posting this on a community blog will make it any clearer to me. And so, my mind gets jammed up and confusion and anxiety set in.

I have a headache. And, I waste valuable time going in circles.

More will be revealed or I will abandon the effort. In truth, I hope not to give up. I want to be able to look back at this and laugh at how dense I can be at times.

Writing:lessons learned

I am the newsletter writer for a women’s business owners organization. Like everything I do, I take the task seriously. I have been writing professionally since the mid eighties. I came to my writing career through the theatre and my graduate studies.

It has been an up hill struggle. A good deal of that struggle has been self imposed. I never knew how to network, never understood what it meant. And so, opportunities for making certain connections were missed. So many years later, I am working hard at making my connections. And I am making progress. But the progress seems slow at times. At least, it does when I am impatient to see things florish. In my weakened moments, I feel jealous when I hear someone speak about the success they have because they have managed their connections better than I have. That jealousy gets me no where.

I write for a few regional magazines as well and the feed back I have been receiving is positive. I have a new book recently published, and today I received an interesting assignment for a new magazine piece. I have begun research on a new project, one that I want to write as a screen play. And so, despite the lack of my bursting on to the writing scene (haa haa), I keep going. I have to.

With that sad note, I will sign off. Hopefully, to awake to a more positive framework. It is easier to write in a more centered place than struggle through the muck of emotional confusion.