I’m too excited

I was walking today, for exercise, and thinking about my son. He still has to make up his mind when he is going to audition for NYU’s music program. He is like me. Something big confronts him and he switches into inertia. It is not the best way to be. As I approached my home, I thought I would check the mail box, as I do not remember if I did that on Sat.

As I flipped through the mail, I came across what appeared to be a X-Mas card from the Un. Vermont. The seal was open. I stopped to think for a moment. Should I look inside. What if it is a rejection or acceptance. No, it wasn’t big enough for an acceptance letter. Maybe it was just a greeting card. Well, the seal is open, so I am not really violating his personal stuff. And, so my thoughts went on as I decided to indulge my curiosity and lift out the contents. There was a pamphlet of some sort. Words like housing flashed at me. I found a letter, I held my breath as I unfolded it and saw Congratulations or something to that affect. “Oh my God.”

My blood pressure rose. There was no one else around. I got my cell phone out and immediately sent a text message off to my son. He is traveling out to Las Vegas for a basketball tournament. I tell him the story and congratulate him. I hope he gets the message soon AND I hope he texts me back…He is not always so good about that. I started text messaging during the summer since I felt there was a better chance of receiving a response than if I left a voice message. But that is another story.

I am too excited. He got the message AND called. He was very excited. He is so far away now and he is surrounded by people who are not very nice. No one he would share this joy with, at any rate. “F*** em!!! You have a good time.” That was my thought! The coaches, the lack of team spirit etc, give me much heart ache. I don’t understand high school coaches who have nothing of value to provide their students except nasty words and a foul mouth.  Nevermind!

So, I have been trying to get my parents. They are always receptive to good news.

Maybe I am sick. I don’t feel like I live through my son, so why am I so excited. I get excited whenever my kids achieve success. I love my children very much and take great pride in the people they have become. I just wish there was another crazy person around now that I could jump up and down with.

Not that I could do that with my son if he were home. No, it would be that I would jump up and down and he would laugh at me. So, I will have to wait a couple of days till he returns home from his trip. What a nice X-mas present.

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Hopeful

It has been my experience that when things seem like they are going to go my way, something else happens or it all seems to fizzle away. I have been diligent in the last few years about getting my work out to the public. But, everything takes time.

For example, I am still waiting to get the problems I have with this blog straightened out so that I can start producing more commentaries and perhaps earning a few pennies. Anyway, I write for a couple of regional magazines, very tastefully done. I received word last week that in the forth coming winter issue my new short story collection will be featured. A friend of mine, who has a controversial radio talk show has placed my book on her reading list. I am very grateful for these two happenings.

Happenings. I like happenings, they are encouraging. Though people praise my work regularly, I still struggle to eek out a living. I have always struggled to eek out a living. I know that I generally have not chosen the easiest path — that seems to be my journey. I don’t know that I could have it any other way. By that I mean, I will always choose the artsy way but some significant financial remuneration would be very welcomed.

This is the time for thanksgiving and counting our blessings. I have much to be grateful for as this year comes to an end and I face the new year with hope. I have two projects that are both very challenging. I want the courage to proceed boldly with my work and not waste time being fearful.

Happy holidays.

NO matter what.

It doesn’t matter how I feel from day to day. There are events that occur that are greater than me and I must stop and take note. No matter what. That was the lesson I had this past weekend.

My family and I traveled north to New York to celebrate the bar mitzvah on my cousin’s youngest son. It was fun to be with my cousin and his kids. I like them. The joy of the event, for that moment in time, overshadowed the cancer that looms large in this boy’s life.

I do not know what I would do if one of my children had been diagnosed when they were six with a rare form of bone cancer. I do not know how I would continue to find the strength to help my child through 19 surgeries and 50 rounds of chemotherapy.

But, what I saw this weekend, what I have seen over the years as this child and his family fight to have a normal life was just that– life. This boy shines with spirit and energy and enthusiasm. He is a wonder. He is bright, bold, energetic, funny and enterprising. He took great pride in the fact that his team for Relay for Life raised the most money of any team in the area ever. We all got Live Strong bracelets at the party.

I am reminded at times like these that my problems are truly not that precious, not even to me. That I have much to be grateful for in my life and the lives of my family. And, I am priviledged to have such a warrior in my circle. I want the glint of mischief that is in his eyes, the lust for life that he maintains, and the joy with which he experiences the moments of his life.