avoidance

I have two projects I have been avoiding. Both, of course, are mine. I find that I grow intolerant of my procrastinations and then when nothing else can be used I sit down and begin. It is actually a terrible way to prepare to write, but there are times when it happens none the less. Over the years, I have grown to understand my process; that doesn’t make the process any easier or the avoidance more manageable. What it does do however, is it gives me an opportunity to be patient, to acknowledge that I am preparing and then when the moment is right I can begin.I have been in just such a state for about two months now. I began by reading–I was “researching” my topic. Which is true on some level, but it still allowed me an excuse not to sit and write. I remember years ago, while working on my dissertation, that I was researching. And, researching, and researching. I knew the time had come to stop researching and write. I was told then to remember that it should not be viewed as the final piece of my life. That helped ease the pressure. I sometimes have to remind myself that it is a process. Besides, if I don’t get it right, I can redo it. Simple, NOT. I have now reached that moment. One of my projects is foreign to me, as I am to write the story of a Viet Nam battle through the eyes of a commander.  I  am scared because I do not feel I can hear the man’s voice or the voices of the other men. I have spent the last twenty plus years writing, but when I have written my own projects they have always been from a woman’s voice. And so, I am at my limit. I must begin because the avoidance has become intolerable. That is a good thing. At least I am consistent — maybe.  

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