Do I sound trite? There is truth in all those silly little expressions that are ruined with over use but the core of those expressions remains poignant. My son graduated high school last week; my baby is growing up…. He is after all only 6’1″ and still growing. I was so very proud of him as he walked across the stage to receive an award and then again to receive his diploma. At graduation, I did not cry, nor did I feel like crying. It was very exciting for me and I know he was anxious to be officially done. He has been “over it (high school)” for many months.
I was asked today for an article idea for a parenting magazine and I realized that there were parallels about my experience of my son going off to pre-school and his going off to college. Transitions are always awkward. They are usually a mixture of many emotions, positive and negative. Perhaps it is better to say, a sense of accomplishment and loss. There is no way around those feelings but through them. But, as I did when he went off to school for the first time, I will trust that I have prepared him to make the right choices, believe that he can think for himself and cope, and trust that all good things will occur. For me, the hardest part of not knowing what will happen are my fears that someone or some thing will hurt my son and I won’t be there to fix it. Though he is 18, he is still so young — I wouldn’t dare say that to him. Time hasn’t made me conservative or pessimistic. Love has made me fearful –for him –as he is precious to me.
I know that he is not leaving my life completely, that change is inevitable and good but I will miss his smile, his imitations, his composing his music at the piano. I will adjust and hope that in the meantime I don’t drive my daughter, still at home for a few years, crazy.