I have never been one to like , at least outwardly, too much structure or organization. Yet, over the years,I have grown to understand the need for structure. I have learned for example, that when writing a book, the outline can help — especially at those times when my thinking gets off track. Most often though, I rebel against the structure.
Generally when I write I begin with a sense of where I am and plunge head long into the journey. When my process is working well, the journey is easy and exciting. When I am not working in harmony with myself, my process is halting. I suppose that is the argument for the outline.
I was asked today, by a friend, if there was a meadow with a lot of garbage and weeds scattered around and I wanted to use the land as a garden, what would be my first action. I said I would start cleaning out the land, getting rid of the junk and the weeds. As the conversation continued my friend commented on my not asking to have someone check the land for snakes or other dangers. I would never have thought of that at all. If the snakes appeared, I would deal with them. I would never think of not beginning because there might be snakes. I am not terrified of snakes, I guess that has something to do with it.
I know that the master plan can help but I get caught up in the negative connotation of control and lack of spontaneity that is implied in having a master plan, at least in my mind. Yet, I know that I get caught in a whirlwind of thoughts that leads to confusion and non action because I lack the master plan. I believe, I need to change the metaphor.
When I was acting, I did well with improvisation. An over arching structure is needed, what fills the inside comes from something more dynamic and immediate. That is the path I now need to adopt in my work and my life. Change is upon me. Some structure is needed so that the whirlwind is contained and managed. Such a change is necessary but I know that I will still struggle against it–at least for a while. Like the saying: when I get sick and tired of being sick and tired, I will change.